Key Points
Our parents play a big role in the way we show up in romantic relationships, a therapist said.They inadvertently teach us what's normal in a partnership through their own dynamic.It's common to seek out a partner with similar traits to a parent because it feels familiar...
Well-established psychology theories such as Freud's Oedipus complex the idea that a child is in some way sexually attracted to their parent of the opposite sex and attachment theory which says that the bond we form with our parents goes on to shape how we operate in future relationships are centered on the notion that our parents play a role in our love lives...
In the same vein, if someone grew up with parents who had a lot of negative traits that left them feeling neglected, they may look for a partner with similar traits in order to create "a corrective emotional experience," Stanger said.. Traits tend not to be inherently good or bad, she said, but these might be things such as a parent who invalidated their child's feelings, failed to show enough affection, or gave mixed messages around the kind of love or care they deserved...
In essence, being with someone who also treats them this way as an adult unintentionally puts the person in a similar situation to the one they had growing up, in the hope that they can make it into a better or more positive experience now that they have more control, she said.. Our parents' relationship shapes our image of romantic love..
According to attachment theory, people develop their attachment style based on the way their parents loved and cared for them, and this goes on to affect every relationship dynamic they have, including with friends, bosses, and co-workers, Stanger said...
